On the Edge

For some reason, my emotions just decided to take a tailspin for the unnecessary.  My level of being overwhelmed just hit a new high, and it's not like I haven't handled this level of busy before.  It's just getting harder to handle it all.  There are too many things I have to do and not enough time to do it.  Believe it or not, the fact that I am picking up playing ukulele is actually what's keeping me holding on.  For some reason that odd little instrument is keeping me grounded in reality.  I just have to resist playing it all day.  Mostly because my new callouses hurt too much to play exorbitantly   Still.  I'm more excited to pick up the Uke I ordered on the 27th than I am to see the show I'm in tech for right now.  I know this post is a bit choppy and unorganized (but is that really too far from the normal one?), but I just feel like I can't handle too much more right now.

I think it started two nights ago.  Things usually don't go well when they start with a knock on my door at 2:00 am because two of my residents were in an argument.  So, then later yesterday I held an hour and a half long mediation between them to try and sort things out, which didn't lead to much of a satisfying conclusion.  I had a talk with my boss that night about what had happened, which turned into me talking about how messed up the extended family health is going right now (which is not well).  Ever since then, I've been easily shaken.  I can't tell if its the sleep deprivation or my emotions.  Or the two acting at once.  Either way, I'm not having too much fun with it all.

The Upswing

I'm feeling a lot more positive today.  I'm not sure if it's because I finally started the list of all I want to get done over break (which is still overwhelming) or if I actually got out of the house yesterday and got a bunch of things done, or that Nick is here and its the first time I've hung out with someone not in my immediate family.  It's probably mostly the last one.  I can't handle not seeing people very well, but somehow when I slump into being alone I can't get myself to go out and see other people.  Wow, that just sounded like I broke up with myself.   Not true.  I just need to see my friends.  I'm too social to sit alone in the house all the time.

Independent Films

So I watched this film labeled 'independent film' on Netflix   And I'm pretty sure they just predicted my future.  Ugh.  It was this girl who had just graduated college and wound up living with her mom and getting a job as a hostess at the restaurant down the block.  I really hope that isn't me.  I want to do something with my life.  Right off the bat.  I'm trying to search for summer internships, but all the Shakespeare fests just take people for year round jobs.  So far I've found a ton of places to audition for after school (most auditions are in September or October).  I'm starting to get really nervous for grad school.  If I decide to go to grad school.  

Got my grades back today.  First college C.  Awesome.  I'm still above a 3.5, but I really want to pull a 3.75, but I'm not sure if that's something I can swing at this point.  I don't have enough classes to bring it up that far.  My Neuroscience stuff is what's going to kill it.  To be completely honest, I'm not sure if I really want it at this point if it's going to kill my GPA this much.  But at the same time, I don't want to drop it because of my freaking GPA.  I hate those things.  I know it's cliche to say that GPA shouldn't matter, but it does.  And I hate that they matter.  I know auditions don't care about GPAs, but grad schools do.  Especially if I want to go into possibly a PhD for theatre history or something of that sort.  I'll probably do alright on the GRE, which I'm sure will help, but I'm not sure if that transfers to England anyway.  And I really want to go to the UK for a year.   Doing something Shakespeare-y.  Like getting a Shakespeare Studies masters at Kings College or University of Birmingham.  Plus, in London you get to watch the BBC all the time.  They've got good TV.  Plus British guys.  Who doesn't love a good brit?

Oversleeping

So, I went to bed early last night with the express purpose of being awake and alert for my 9:00-10:50 class.  Apparently I didn't snooze my alarm, I turned it off, and my back up alarm I turned off last night instead of turning it on.  So I woke up at 10:30.  Yeah, not worth it to go to class.  But I feel so bad and crappy about the whole thing.  I like the class, and I never do any work outside of class (because I get the labs done during the lab time), but I think we were going to get our midterms back today and figure out if our project proposals were legit, so I probably should have gone to the end of class.  But it would have been pointless, especially because it was probably lab time anyways.  ugh. I just feel so shitty about the whole thing.  Its really frustrating   I was doing so well yesterday.  I got a bunch of stuff done and even worked out.  Then today started out like this.  I need to get out of this mindset or it's not gonna be a good day, and it could be a  pretty good day.  I've just decided.  I'm going to turn this day into a good one.  Starting now.

Bjorklunden Slump

So, Bjork with improv this weekend was great.  And exhausting.  But I'm pretty sure today was one of those days where the entire world is just tired.  So, I didn't seem too off in comparison to the rest of the universe  which was a nice change.  On the other hand, I'm still behind on so many things.  I just can't decide if I would be any more on the ball if I had been here this weekend.  I just never get anything done if it's not a school day.  I barely get things done when it is a school day, when I actually get something done I tend to reward myself with not needing to do anything else, which is probably a bad idea.  Oh well.  I met with a career adviser today and it was surprisingly helpful.  Even though I still don't know what I want to do, I know where to start searching, which is a lot better than floating in an abyss of questions.  Also, staring into an abyss is really relaxing.  I got to this weekend during a night walk on the lake.  It was pitch black nearly everywhere.  So cool.  I didn't take any pictures this weekend, but I'll put one up from a few weeks ago, just because its so pretty.

Highs and Lows

I went to the convocation today, which was actually kind of interesting.  During part of it the speaker asked us to picture our highest high and our lowest low.  Then proceed to give us an example (from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid) of being in both places at once.

The strangest thing happened to me tonight.  I also hit a pretty high high and a pretty low low.

Raena and I threw a Spa Night Program.  It went off magnificently.  We had a bunch of people and they were all talking and having a great time, and then all of campus lost power.  So, the party broke up and everyone dispersed toward the generator emergency lights, which was OK   The power came on after about half an hour.  Then things started smelling bad.  Correction, they smelled like shit.  Literally, because the sewage line in the sub basement apparently burst.  So I didn't have any desk time to work on studying for my midterm tomorrow.  Balls.

Creepin'

Cute guy sitting in the booth across from me.  Just thought I would share that I've totally been stealing glances at him while he's Skyping someone.  I don't know who he's Skyping.  I'm not that creepy.  I'm just hoping it's not a girlfriend.  Even though I won't go talk to him.  I'll just keep listening to The Last Five Years and pretending to study for my theatre history midterm tomorrow.