Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing?

To put it shortly, go ahead and desire it, just hope it never comes true.
To put it....long..ly?  I'm not sure how to phrase that.  Anywhoo, its snowing buckets, and I have too much to do.  Per usual.  I'm trying to figure out where to trim things off as well, but it's really difficult to figure out.  Especially since the first things I'd like to drop aren't really options to drop (ugh).  But I've been staying on top of things a little better recently.  Except for being an RA.  For some reason I can never manage to fit it into my schedule, it just seems like a bother now more than a fun thing, so I'm nearly positive that I'm not coming back next year.  Senior year will have enough stuff going on for me to stay plenty busy with other things, like honors projects and senior projects and helping with other peoples senior projects.  You know, normal things.

Found It

My sanity is back!  Yayyyyy!  This weekend was super crazy, but now its over.  Which is both happy and sad making.  Trivia was super fun, even though I only really played Sunday.  I should probably go back to Friday when the weekend started though.  Show went pretty well, then I went to play Trivia in Kohler.  I didn't stay long because I didn't really know anyone and I told Maggie I was gonna come say hey to the  crew, but they were already a few cups in (with blu drank, no less.  You don't want to know what's in blu drank).  Thankfully I ran into Claire before things got out of hand, and we ended up chilling in my room with Aric, wine and veggie chips.  Best life choice, we just listened to my new vinyls and chatted up the place.  Unfortunately for me I had some of the drank before the wine, so the next morning was not fun.  I ended up staying in bed until call for Dumb Waiter, half out of laziness and half out of necessity.  But I bounced back pretty quickly, and survived through both Waiter runs and a cast party, which I sill enjoyed.  I was worried because some alums I didn't know were coming, but we ended up taping mustaches to the TV and drinking whenever it lined up.  (new favorite thing, BTW).  Sunday was mostly trivia.  Lots and lots of internet procrastination.  I had meant to finish my application for an internship I really want, but for some reason I haddn't been able to get through it (probably because it feels like real life applying for actual summer internships).  But I also GOT MY UKULELE.  its the best thing ever.  I already have 4 times the callouses that I had when I was practicing on the soprano.
Today is a lot better.  My entire bio class got an extension on our lab until Friday (which I thought I was going to have to do completely tonight), I actually got some sleep last night and I finally applied for that internship.  I also found a few more online that I'm going to apply for.  Hopefully it will be a little easier because now I have a few stock resumes and personal statements and such.

On the Edge

For some reason, my emotions just decided to take a tailspin for the unnecessary.  My level of being overwhelmed just hit a new high, and it's not like I haven't handled this level of busy before.  It's just getting harder to handle it all.  There are too many things I have to do and not enough time to do it.  Believe it or not, the fact that I am picking up playing ukulele is actually what's keeping me holding on.  For some reason that odd little instrument is keeping me grounded in reality.  I just have to resist playing it all day.  Mostly because my new callouses hurt too much to play exorbitantly   Still.  I'm more excited to pick up the Uke I ordered on the 27th than I am to see the show I'm in tech for right now.  I know this post is a bit choppy and unorganized (but is that really too far from the normal one?), but I just feel like I can't handle too much more right now.

I think it started two nights ago.  Things usually don't go well when they start with a knock on my door at 2:00 am because two of my residents were in an argument.  So, then later yesterday I held an hour and a half long mediation between them to try and sort things out, which didn't lead to much of a satisfying conclusion.  I had a talk with my boss that night about what had happened, which turned into me talking about how messed up the extended family health is going right now (which is not well).  Ever since then, I've been easily shaken.  I can't tell if its the sleep deprivation or my emotions.  Or the two acting at once.  Either way, I'm not having too much fun with it all.

The Upswing

I'm feeling a lot more positive today.  I'm not sure if it's because I finally started the list of all I want to get done over break (which is still overwhelming) or if I actually got out of the house yesterday and got a bunch of things done, or that Nick is here and its the first time I've hung out with someone not in my immediate family.  It's probably mostly the last one.  I can't handle not seeing people very well, but somehow when I slump into being alone I can't get myself to go out and see other people.  Wow, that just sounded like I broke up with myself.   Not true.  I just need to see my friends.  I'm too social to sit alone in the house all the time.

Independent Films

So I watched this film labeled 'independent film' on Netflix   And I'm pretty sure they just predicted my future.  Ugh.  It was this girl who had just graduated college and wound up living with her mom and getting a job as a hostess at the restaurant down the block.  I really hope that isn't me.  I want to do something with my life.  Right off the bat.  I'm trying to search for summer internships, but all the Shakespeare fests just take people for year round jobs.  So far I've found a ton of places to audition for after school (most auditions are in September or October).  I'm starting to get really nervous for grad school.  If I decide to go to grad school.  

Got my grades back today.  First college C.  Awesome.  I'm still above a 3.5, but I really want to pull a 3.75, but I'm not sure if that's something I can swing at this point.  I don't have enough classes to bring it up that far.  My Neuroscience stuff is what's going to kill it.  To be completely honest, I'm not sure if I really want it at this point if it's going to kill my GPA this much.  But at the same time, I don't want to drop it because of my freaking GPA.  I hate those things.  I know it's cliche to say that GPA shouldn't matter, but it does.  And I hate that they matter.  I know auditions don't care about GPAs, but grad schools do.  Especially if I want to go into possibly a PhD for theatre history or something of that sort.  I'll probably do alright on the GRE, which I'm sure will help, but I'm not sure if that transfers to England anyway.  And I really want to go to the UK for a year.   Doing something Shakespeare-y.  Like getting a Shakespeare Studies masters at Kings College or University of Birmingham.  Plus, in London you get to watch the BBC all the time.  They've got good TV.  Plus British guys.  Who doesn't love a good brit?

Oversleeping

So, I went to bed early last night with the express purpose of being awake and alert for my 9:00-10:50 class.  Apparently I didn't snooze my alarm, I turned it off, and my back up alarm I turned off last night instead of turning it on.  So I woke up at 10:30.  Yeah, not worth it to go to class.  But I feel so bad and crappy about the whole thing.  I like the class, and I never do any work outside of class (because I get the labs done during the lab time), but I think we were going to get our midterms back today and figure out if our project proposals were legit, so I probably should have gone to the end of class.  But it would have been pointless, especially because it was probably lab time anyways.  ugh. I just feel so shitty about the whole thing.  Its really frustrating   I was doing so well yesterday.  I got a bunch of stuff done and even worked out.  Then today started out like this.  I need to get out of this mindset or it's not gonna be a good day, and it could be a  pretty good day.  I've just decided.  I'm going to turn this day into a good one.  Starting now.

Bjorklunden Slump

So, Bjork with improv this weekend was great.  And exhausting.  But I'm pretty sure today was one of those days where the entire world is just tired.  So, I didn't seem too off in comparison to the rest of the universe  which was a nice change.  On the other hand, I'm still behind on so many things.  I just can't decide if I would be any more on the ball if I had been here this weekend.  I just never get anything done if it's not a school day.  I barely get things done when it is a school day, when I actually get something done I tend to reward myself with not needing to do anything else, which is probably a bad idea.  Oh well.  I met with a career adviser today and it was surprisingly helpful.  Even though I still don't know what I want to do, I know where to start searching, which is a lot better than floating in an abyss of questions.  Also, staring into an abyss is really relaxing.  I got to this weekend during a night walk on the lake.  It was pitch black nearly everywhere.  So cool.  I didn't take any pictures this weekend, but I'll put one up from a few weeks ago, just because its so pretty.