The Upswing

I'm feeling a lot more positive today.  I'm not sure if it's because I finally started the list of all I want to get done over break (which is still overwhelming) or if I actually got out of the house yesterday and got a bunch of things done, or that Nick is here and its the first time I've hung out with someone not in my immediate family.  It's probably mostly the last one.  I can't handle not seeing people very well, but somehow when I slump into being alone I can't get myself to go out and see other people.  Wow, that just sounded like I broke up with myself.   Not true.  I just need to see my friends.  I'm too social to sit alone in the house all the time.

Independent Films

So I watched this film labeled 'independent film' on Netflix   And I'm pretty sure they just predicted my future.  Ugh.  It was this girl who had just graduated college and wound up living with her mom and getting a job as a hostess at the restaurant down the block.  I really hope that isn't me.  I want to do something with my life.  Right off the bat.  I'm trying to search for summer internships, but all the Shakespeare fests just take people for year round jobs.  So far I've found a ton of places to audition for after school (most auditions are in September or October).  I'm starting to get really nervous for grad school.  If I decide to go to grad school.  

Got my grades back today.  First college C.  Awesome.  I'm still above a 3.5, but I really want to pull a 3.75, but I'm not sure if that's something I can swing at this point.  I don't have enough classes to bring it up that far.  My Neuroscience stuff is what's going to kill it.  To be completely honest, I'm not sure if I really want it at this point if it's going to kill my GPA this much.  But at the same time, I don't want to drop it because of my freaking GPA.  I hate those things.  I know it's cliche to say that GPA shouldn't matter, but it does.  And I hate that they matter.  I know auditions don't care about GPAs, but grad schools do.  Especially if I want to go into possibly a PhD for theatre history or something of that sort.  I'll probably do alright on the GRE, which I'm sure will help, but I'm not sure if that transfers to England anyway.  And I really want to go to the UK for a year.   Doing something Shakespeare-y.  Like getting a Shakespeare Studies masters at Kings College or University of Birmingham.  Plus, in London you get to watch the BBC all the time.  They've got good TV.  Plus British guys.  Who doesn't love a good brit?

Oversleeping

So, I went to bed early last night with the express purpose of being awake and alert for my 9:00-10:50 class.  Apparently I didn't snooze my alarm, I turned it off, and my back up alarm I turned off last night instead of turning it on.  So I woke up at 10:30.  Yeah, not worth it to go to class.  But I feel so bad and crappy about the whole thing.  I like the class, and I never do any work outside of class (because I get the labs done during the lab time), but I think we were going to get our midterms back today and figure out if our project proposals were legit, so I probably should have gone to the end of class.  But it would have been pointless, especially because it was probably lab time anyways.  ugh. I just feel so shitty about the whole thing.  Its really frustrating   I was doing so well yesterday.  I got a bunch of stuff done and even worked out.  Then today started out like this.  I need to get out of this mindset or it's not gonna be a good day, and it could be a  pretty good day.  I've just decided.  I'm going to turn this day into a good one.  Starting now.

Bjorklunden Slump

So, Bjork with improv this weekend was great.  And exhausting.  But I'm pretty sure today was one of those days where the entire world is just tired.  So, I didn't seem too off in comparison to the rest of the universe  which was a nice change.  On the other hand, I'm still behind on so many things.  I just can't decide if I would be any more on the ball if I had been here this weekend.  I just never get anything done if it's not a school day.  I barely get things done when it is a school day, when I actually get something done I tend to reward myself with not needing to do anything else, which is probably a bad idea.  Oh well.  I met with a career adviser today and it was surprisingly helpful.  Even though I still don't know what I want to do, I know where to start searching, which is a lot better than floating in an abyss of questions.  Also, staring into an abyss is really relaxing.  I got to this weekend during a night walk on the lake.  It was pitch black nearly everywhere.  So cool.  I didn't take any pictures this weekend, but I'll put one up from a few weeks ago, just because its so pretty.

Highs and Lows

I went to the convocation today, which was actually kind of interesting.  During part of it the speaker asked us to picture our highest high and our lowest low.  Then proceed to give us an example (from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid) of being in both places at once.

The strangest thing happened to me tonight.  I also hit a pretty high high and a pretty low low.

Raena and I threw a Spa Night Program.  It went off magnificently.  We had a bunch of people and they were all talking and having a great time, and then all of campus lost power.  So, the party broke up and everyone dispersed toward the generator emergency lights, which was OK   The power came on after about half an hour.  Then things started smelling bad.  Correction, they smelled like shit.  Literally, because the sewage line in the sub basement apparently burst.  So I didn't have any desk time to work on studying for my midterm tomorrow.  Balls.

Creepin'

Cute guy sitting in the booth across from me.  Just thought I would share that I've totally been stealing glances at him while he's Skyping someone.  I don't know who he's Skyping.  I'm not that creepy.  I'm just hoping it's not a girlfriend.  Even though I won't go talk to him.  I'll just keep listening to The Last Five Years and pretending to study for my theatre history midterm tomorrow.

Overloaded

I definitely need to trim down on all the stuff I'm doing right now.  Too bad there isn't really a way to without quitting something I don't want to quit.  I guess I'll just have to start being more efficient.  I'll go from there and see where it takes me.
Also, I just realized that I haven't really slept through the night since this summer.  It's really starting to irk me.  But I'm going to try to work out nearly every day and do some meditation before bed.  Also turning off electronics and unplugging for a while before bed.  I heard that's supposed to help too.  And I'm going to buy ear plugs soon.  I also heard that could help.  I'd better turn my computer off soon so I can get to bed without it.

Late Nights

I keep staying up obnoxiously late at night without actually doing anything.  I have so much stuff to get done tomorrow, and I stayed up doing nothing.  (Unless you count scraping paper out of my new trunk something.  Well I guess it is something, just not anything particularly amusing.  I am getting excited to get it finished.  I found the trunk at the thrift shoppe for $1.50, so it needs a little TLC for it to be usable, but it's gonna be totally worth it.) Anyways, it was a really chill Saturday night.  Biggest thing that happened was Maggie and I wandering around Walmart to pick up donuts and kitty litter (apparently if you fill a sock with kitty litter and keep it in your shoes it makes it smell not as bad). (also donuts and wine is a great combination).  But I cleaned my room and got my laundry done.  So that's cool.  I just still haven't caught up on the whole homework thing yet this week, so I've got a bunch of catch up to do tomorrow.  Woo (except not).

Nice Trip, See Ya Next Fall

So, I fell down the stairs yesterday.  Pretty major fall.  My arms still hurt, but I don't have any bruises.  Which sucks, cause I want to complain more, but I can't justify it when there's no physical evidence.  I'm also sore because I worked out yesterday.  So I'm doubly hurting from all of that.  But I need to stop complaining and start paying attention to my surroundings.  Maybe then I'll see the stairs.

Below Average

Got my Brains test back today.  Not completely terrible, but not as good as I want. (then again, its never really as good as I want).  Solid C isn't terrible, but considering that I want to possibly go into neuro I should be doing better than I am.  I think this is the kick in the ass that I've been needing.  A "chip on my shoulder" as Legally Blonde the musical would say (yeah, its stuck in my head now too). I've got to get my academic act together and start doing homework/readings/life on time.  Which means I'd better catch up on just about every class I'm taking right now.  I'd better get to that.

Headaches

I just realized that I've had a headache for the past two days straight.  For no apparent reason.  Until I actually decided to recognize all the crap I've been eating recently.  My Halloween Oreos are nearly gone, I got a half gallon of sherbet at Walmart a few days ago and I've been having dessert at meals on top of all that.  I think it's a bit of a sugar overload.  I didn't know if that was possible, but it definitely is.  I need to start really watching what I eat.  Not just to lose weight.  I need to stay healthy and on top of my game to keep school going well.  I've also been really unfocused and unmotivated lately for school stuff (maybe I'm a little burnt out already, but I hope not, it's only 4th week).  Hopefully I can get myself back and ready to hit the ground running sooner rather than later.

Finding My Arden

Here's a picture from my woods romping at Bjorklunden a week ago.  I've got more, but I'll spread them through as they feel appropriate.

Unclear

I'm having one of those days where I don't know what to do.  It's not that I don't have things to get done, it's just that I don't know what of it is relevant.  I don't know why I'm doing these things.  I think it's one of my big picture days.  I want to know what the big picture looks like before I worry about the details.  Actually, I just want to go shopping and try to buy things.  A bit of retail therapy never hurt anyone, just their bank accounts.  But seriously, I need to buy something to fix the terrible foot smell in my room right now.  It's getting pretty bad.  Which just reminds me of camp.  I just can't get this summer out of my mind, and I kind of wish I could.  Now I can't ignore a greater purpose and just go into straight theatre.  I want to do something more.  I need to help people.  But I don't know how, and I don't want to turn my back on my dreams either.  Plus now it's weird to be on the acting side of things since I've been working tech.  I feel out of place onstage, even though all I want when I'm sitting in the audience is to be onstage.  I don't know if I have a place in it anymore.  I'm living in theatre limbo.  And life limbo.  I just stay in the middle because I can't pick one because I'm too afraid to lose the other.

Halloween Oreos

So, I'm gonna pretend I didn't eat half a thing of Oreos.  But it's only because they're only around once a year.  And I didn't feel like doing homework.  So I successfully sat on Liz's futon and drank two glasses of wine, ate more Oreos and watched half a season of How I Met Your Mother.  Again, cause I've totally watched the whole series.  Now I'm just sitting in bed debating how much of a bad idea that was.  Cause I'm totally behind on homework, due to the whole zombie test.  I'm still not sure how it went, but I'm glad its done.  Cause now I can get back to the rest of my homework.  Quiz on Tuesday, two journals due and a chapter and a half of theatre history that I've been avoiding.  And successfully averted again.  We'll see how long it takes for me to finish that homework.  $10 says I finish the Oreos first.

Moving Too Fast

You know when you're trying to do too many things when you accidentally hit a french professor with your bike. Alright, I didn't hit him, more nudged him with the wheel.  He didn't fall over or anything.  And I didn't even spill the latte I was holding while riding my bike through a large clump of people.  I just had to put my foot down onto the ground.  And stutter a little and spill some pumpkin spice latte on my pants.  At least it smelled good, so that's a good thing.....right?

(I've decided to take this incident as a learning experience.  I've decided to slow down a little.  Walk to some more places.  My bike is really sweet and super convenient sometimes, but the leaves are pretty around campus now and it's not entirely too cold out.  Plus I don't want to spill any more lattes or hit any professors that I actually know.  And I know I'm trying to do too many things at once, so I'm going to audition for a Trivia Master spot tonight anyway.  It sounds like a good idea to me.  At least at the present time.)

Into The Woods

Last weekend in Bjorklunden was surreal.  For those of you who don't know what Bjorklunden is...it's a giant chunk of land Lawrence owns in Door County, WI on Lake Michigan.  It is magnificent.  The lodge is really cozy, but the shore and forest right around it is absolutely wonderful.  The first night I went outside and waded into the 40 degree water only to fall into it!  Alas, that stopped my frolicking short, (even though I didn't get completely submerged, it was cold!) and the next day I ventured out again. (this time during the daylight so I could explore the forest).  It was wonderful.  I decided not to do homework and take set inspiration pictures for As You Like It next year.  Totally worth it.  (Mostly.  now I have to do a lot more cramming for my Brain and Behavoir test friday, but It's a'ight).  I also got up at 5:45 on Sunday with my 3 roomates for the weekend and we went to watch the sunrise.  It was so freaking majestic.  That's the only way to describe it.  I'll have to put a picture up when I get the chance.  I forgot my camera in my room today.

A College Student Walks Into a Bar

Finally turned 21! It's so surreal!  I got to go to the VR last night (the on campus bar- yeah, my school's the best).  Unfortunately my close friends are all underage but my friends Diana and Micah joined me for a little birthday shindig.  I think tonight is gonna be the main party.  Its trivia night, and a bunch of my friends are gonna go.  (when I say friends I mean everyone I know who's over 21).  It should be a good time.  Unfortunately I have to be up and going at 7:30 tomorrow morning, so I can't get crazy (but who wants to on a school night anyway).  Either way I'm excited.

Playing a Guitar

Believe it or not, is a lot harder than it looks.  I practiced for 20 minutes and my fingers are dying.  I picked it up yesterday.  We found an unclaimed really nice acoustic Fender in the basement storage (with a tag on it from 2007.  When we called the person they had no recollection of owning a guitar).  So my staff is sharing it, and I've decided to learn how to play it.  I'm not very good.  At all.  It takes me forever to tune the thing, but I'm sure I'll get a hold of all of it.  Eventually.  Hopefully.

Brains

I got into all of the classes I was hoping for this term! Woo! WWII codebreaking is gonna be so tight (once we actually start messing with ciphers).  Theatre history is as cool as ever.  I just read a play called "The Ladies' Battle." its definined by "Characteristics of a Well Made Play" that were used during the early 1900s.  It's basically a completely linear plot line based show.  The characters don't have much depth to them, but the plot's great and its always a comedy, so I enjoyed it.  The best line was "Nonsense! You are for a drama- a tragedy: we offer you something more cheerful- a domestic comedy!" I totally giggled.  I also laughed so hard at Drowsy Chaperone rehearsal today.  I'm an ASM (assistant stage manager).  That show is ridiculously offensive and hilarious at the same time.  I'm really looking forward to it.  Also I have Brain and Behavior this terms.  I call it Brains cause it sounds like a zombie class.  So now instead of saying "I have to go to my readings for brain and behavior" I can just say "I'm gonna eat some brains."  Sounds much better.

Shattered

Turns out, the captains decided to be the only ones to go onstage with the real live paid improvers.  Needless to say I was not happy about this plan, as I had already put make up on and asked 2 people to cover parts of my desk shift to be sure and be sure to be at the show on time.  Nonetheless the show was still great, but it would have been better if I had gotten to help out.  Maybe that's just me.

Consistent Daydreams

You know the feeling you get 20 minutes before a show you're going to starts? Where you really hope the stage manager comes on stage and begs an audience member to join them backstage because an actor had a sudden unforeseeable accident and they need someone to fill in and you raise your hand and they pick you and you end up doing so well they cast you in the show long term.  Yeah, that one.  Well, I get to be onstage tonight with professional improvers.  I'm so freaking stoked.  It's gonna be the shiznit.  Just sayin'.

Welcome Week

Tuesday went by in a blur, helping all the freshman move in.  I moved people from 8:00-3:30,  I was so exhausted and dehydrated that I stayed in my bed for 3 hours afterwards.  It felt so great to lay there and not move for a while.  They all seem to be settling in very well, and my room is also coming along well.  I finally got a few things up on the walls, which makes it feel much more like my room now.  I've only got a few things left to unpack too.  Its starting to feel like school again.  My schedule book is basically full and I've got stuff happening all the time.  But I like being busy, so it's how I am.  I almost took a co-captain position for Improv this term, but decided against it, as I may be involved in two shows this term.  I'm trying to figure out how to pair down my activities so I don't go quite as crazy as I did last year.  Especially since I'll be on duty more than last year.  But I'm officially assistant stage managing for Drowsy Chaperone this term.  I'm totally stoked.  My other ASMs are great, as well as Alex, the SM.  Plus its always a blast to work with Kathy (the director, and my adviser).  It's gonna be a great year.  I can feel it.

Going Out

Finally got to go out on the town with a few friends.  It was so much fun, and we had such a blast.  We went to the Chinese food place down the road and ate and laughed more than I have in a while.  We talked about everything and had such a blast.  On the way to the restaurant, my friend's car was dead (we need to jump it later), and she had a little freak out like usual, but one of my other friend called her out on it.  I totally appreciated that, because she can get a little ridiculous about some very little problems.  But dinner was great, and we ended up talking in my room for a while afterwards.  The four of us were pretty hilarious.  Everyone was sharing awkward dating stories and the such when they realized I hadn't been on a date since high school.  But my guy friend gave me some interesting advice "Don't expect guys to fulfill their 'manly duties.'"  when last year another guy told me that "If a guy likes you, he'll do the pursuing."  I don't even know what to do anymore.  Oh well, I've got time until my crush comes back from study abroad in Vienna.

Reading "the perks of being a wallflower"

I decided to try it because of the whole "I have to read the book before I see the movie" thing that I have (I think it's a very good rule).  The format of the book threw me off at first, but now I'm really digging it.  Its different to read anonymous letters.  It makes the character (Charlie) so much more universal and relate-able. However, some parts are very sad, and I have this habit of getting too far into the mind of the main character of the book I'm reading.  I guess it's the actress in me.  I just can't help it.  I think it's why I tend to read books so quickly.  I need the resolution in order to get back to my 'normal life'.  But I've been in a bit of a funk anyway this week.  Training takes a tole and I don't think I adjust to school as easily as I would like to think I do.  The first week is always hard.  Especially unpacking.  Figuring out where things will belong is a very arduous process.  It's also overwhelming.  It doesn't help any that I called my mom today to find out that my grandmother is in the hospital.  I haven't seen my grandparents since Christmas, because I haven't had any time to.  I'm going to make a trip down soon with my car to see them.  Apparently Grandma is going to be fine, but they are both getting up there in age, so I need to be sure to see them as often as possible now.

Being Bellatrix

Dress up days during training are great.  Especially when my staff pulls 'Witches/Warlocks" for our Supernatural dress up theme.  I got to pull out all the stops on my Bellatrix Lestrange costume.  It was terrific.  My hair looked much better than the way I had it last time I wore the costume.  Plus, I ran into my old Organic Chemistry professor on the walk back to my dorm.  It was great talking to him, and he also shared his enthusiasm for dressing up with me.  I had never pinned him as a costume box sort of guy, but my respect for him just increased two fold.  On the other side of things, I just took my hair out.  I don't know if it will ever get back to normal.  It feels like a bit of a rat's nest right now.

Faking a Bad Break Up

I realized I got much more emotional faking a bad break up than I was when I actually got broken up with.  Probably because a- I had to give the newbie RLAs something tough to deal with and b- because breaking up with him was the best decision I made that year.  Back in high school.  Wow, I'm beginning to realize how long I've been single now.  Almost 3 years.  And I don't regret it.  Sure, it would be really nice to have a boyfriend (and I know my grandmother would love it), but I don't think I really have the time.  I can barely manage my own life right now, more or less try to include someone else into my busy schedule.

Rearranging My Dorm Room

Been trying to figure out where everything belongs.  Its much harder to figure out the initial location than it is to put things away.  Once I got an idea of how to arrange the furniture it got much easier to unpack.  I still am not done, and I got here on Sunday.  But I've been in training for my RA job again this year.  (I had the position last year too).  I have a great staff so far, but it's going to be hard, because I will have to work more.  It's nice to have a smaller staff, but that means a smaller rotation.  Plus I want to be even more involved in theatre this year, and I don't think I'll be able to get around duty every time I'll need to.

Road tripping with the sister

I let Molly be the dj for the rise to school cause she usually has a great taste for music. Also, we ended up singing a kids bop version of "you belong with me" by Taylor Swift. I laughed so hard I cried. We played a bunch of stuff from early high school, which reminded me of my fist car. 1994 Chevy cavalier. It was a bit of a junker, didn't last a year. I'm so glad I got such a nice upgrade. It was a great ride.

Packing for School

I'm finally packing for school (I leave tomorrow morning.) But I don't think Guedo wants me to go. He keeps insisting on laying inside my suitcases. It is pretty cute, but I procrastinate enough without the dogs help!

Ganymede

AS YOU LIKE IT. ACT I. SCENE III.

ROSALIND

I'll have no worse a name than Jove's own page;
And therefore look you call me Ganymede.

I finally decided on a name for my bug.  Ganymede.  I think it suits him.  Especially because of my deep personal connection with Rosalind.  I thought upon Adam for a while, but I'm more a fan of Shakespearean connections and I feared people might think of it in the biblical sense.  (Adam in As You Like It is the trusty old man servant of Orlando, and is considered one of the most 'English' characters Shakespeare has written).    Ganymede is finally in great working condition.  Got a new hubcap last night and the dealer fixed a few last minute things today.  I just need to buy floor mats, maps and jumper cables and I'll be all set to head back up to school.  After I get done packing everything up again.  Oops.

Eating a cupcake

Red velvet. My favorite, with cream cheese frosting. They had all kinds of fancy filled cupcakes but I can't resist red velvet. It was so fun to wander around downtown. I got to see all the Iowa students going to class knowing I have two week before I have to worry about lectures and homework and papers. But, simultaneously I'm excited to see all my classmates again.

Windows down, radio blasting

Finally got a good handle on the stick. Cruzing back home from pie with a friend. My favorite song on a long stretch flying fast. I don't know the last time I felt that free. It was exhilarating. The chat with Jacob definitely didn't hurt. I miss that kid. It's too bad I don't get to see him during school. His gay man sass is so refreshing and straight forward. I know he will tell me exactly what he thinks. No filters, no regrets.

Driving stick...up hills

It was really nerve racking at first, but I think I got ahold of it.  I can now stop on a hill and continue in the same direction. Too bad I stalled once trying to shift into 2nd. It's ok. I know how to handle things now. I'm going to have to. Trial by fire.

I also made dinner again. Fish tacos, from scratch. Tortillas and all. I tried to do too many things at the same time, so mom, dad, and Molly all helped me finish so we could eat. It was actually great to have everyone working together on it. Plus they ended up tasting great. I think tilapia tack Tuesday was a success.

Applying for a Credit Card

The banker was cute.  Too bad I didn't check his left hand.  Just helps me believe that there are cute guys left in this world.  He seemed really nice too.  I think I've been fishing in ponds with very few fish in them.  I can't wait until I get out to the ocean and catch some quality tilapia.  Like the kind I'm making for dinner.  It's tilapia taco Tuesday.  Of course I'm making fish tacos, what else would I do with myself this week other than making all the recipes I've been pinning for the past year and a half.

Driving My New Car

Stick shift.  I know it's gonna get easier as I get going, but I got so frustrated that I cried a bit.  I kept releasing too quickly on the clutch and killing the motor. Once you get moving it isn't too bad, but going form zero is nearly impossible for me.  But still, I drove my car.  Wow, my car.  That sounds good.  It's so nice.  I can't wait to fill it with all of my stuff.  Hopefully I won't make it a trash can.  I hate trash can cars.  I just have to try not to crash it.  I'm just not looking forward to going from stopped on a hill.  I had to pull into the driveway and I nearly died.  But, luckily, I didn't hit anything.  I'm going to need a lot of practice before I can drive on my own.  Hopefully all the repairs are done before too long.

Sitting at the Kitchen Counter

Made a great lunch today.  California salad sandwich with some tea.  While I was making it, my dad called, letting me know it's going to be a few more days before I get my dream car.  2001 silver VW bug.  I can't believe that a- I'm getting a car and b- its a bug.  I'm entirely too excited.  The inspection showed that it needs some break work and a few other things.  Hopefully Dad can finagle the price down, or get the dealer to fix the problems before I head back to LU in a week.  I can't believe I'll be back in Appleton on Sunday.  I can't wait.