Holding it In

So, I will not be doing any acting this year.  I don't get to be a prostitute.  My ASM gets to be one, and I'm stuck with a headset that hurts my neck wishing more than anything that I could run onstage and take over for the actors, finally getting some obvious recognition.  I hate silent recognition.  The applause, the congratulations, the hugs.  Shit, I could use a hug right now more than anything.  I know I've been telling myself that it's better that I don't get a part, but I still wanted one!  I always do.  It sucks because my audition was awesome  and so was my callbacks.  I felt really good about both of them, and I heard it's because I'm to tall.  I'm always too fucking tall.  I hate that someone who's shorter than me will get a part just because they're short.  It's unbelievably frustrating, because I can't do anything to change my height.  So now I have all these thoughts running through my head and I have to sit in class for two hours and pretend nothing's wrong.  Put on a happy face and look like I'm glad to be there, when I want nothing else than to sit alone in the underground and have myself a good cry.  But I can't.  I never can, I have to hold it in, and put on a mask.