I can't believe I have to use it, but I'm going to. Grandma passed away on Saturday morning, and I'm going down for services tomorrow and Tuesday. I think it's more for Molly and Erin then for anyone else. Maybe that's just 'cause I don't want to admit that I need the closure for myself. Maybe it's because I want to deny that it's effecting me. I hate it when people make excuses for that kind of things, cause I hate making excuses and not getting my own stuff done. But me losing two days of productivity makes it impossible to write a decent 5-7 page paper, cause I'm still terrible at the 'actually sitting down and writing a paper for an english class' thing. On the plus side, I am almost done with the readings for tomorrow. I actually am reading a whole novella in a day. Not gonna lie, I'm kind of impressed with myself. But I shouldn't speak too soon, I've still got 10 pages left and I don't want to jinx it. I also have to do a page response, but I'll probably wake up early to get that done. I really should do it tonight though, then I don't have to wake up early tomorrow. Also, I really need to start brainstorming for that paper, ugh.
Also, funerals suck. I hate them. I really don't want to have to see her tomorrow. That makes it too real, and I don't want it to be real. Can't I just wake up and it was all fake? Please? It works in all the shows I watch; I really need to stop watching so much fantasy. It's not real life; people don't become vampires, they don't come back from the dead, they don't live forever. They don't want to. Then life would be without risk, and that's boring. I know the whole "death is a part of life" and "they're in a better place" and "at least she went peacefully". That doesn't make it better. She's still gone, and I'll never tease Grandpa with her, she'll never ask me what my cell phone is for, or why I don't have a boyfriend. I'll never see her Christmas morning, or on Thanksgiving. None of my holidays will be the same. Everything changes.
I knew this was going to happen, but that doesn't mean I was ready.
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